Umbrellas and depression

I'm one of those people who love the rain. I mean it. I LOVE it.

My daughter and I love running through the puddles in the rain. Soaking wet and laughing like crazy people really must impress our new neighbors. Yesterday, for the first time in years, I remembered I had an umbrella in my car. It was pouring outside and I thought "hey, I got this".

When it first opened everything looked good. I was smiling at my fortunate find in my  vehicle. Then it happened.

First it popped open. Then it popped up and over like the wind caught it. You know what I mean right? That same thing happened to all of us in elementary school when we thought umbrellas were the best thing ever made. Anyway, it's metal pieces started popping off the umbrella and projecting themselves backwards, towards my face.  Little did I know that when I opened my driver door and pulled out my umbrella that I was soon to be in attacked by a suicide bomber.

I was not prepared for the shrapnel and most certainly wasn't prepared for ISIS attacking via umbrella.  I reacted like a ninja (flailing my hands about while screaming and trapped in my driver seat) and tossed that umbrella out the door. 

To my great sadness not one persons saw this. Not one. 

Sneaky umbrella attack. 

Fitbit. Love it or hate it?

I have finally given into the temptation of the trendy Fitbit.

There was three reasons for this:

1. One could always move more. How do you know what you've done if you can't track it.
2. I'm American. What American couldn't loose 10 pounds.
3. My husband.

Honestly my husband should have been reason number 1. He and I are highly competitive and now we can compete without being near each other.  So far Dave and I are tied at 1 win and 1 loss each. Unacceptable.

I picture my husband coming home late from work and walking in circles around our basement just to sneak in a couple more steps before the midnight finish line. That or attaching the Fitbit to my dog and letting him run around the backyard while playing fetch.  Yes, that thought went through my mind once or twice. I know my dog would be all too willing.

So far I love my Fitbit. It's been a fun way to motivate myself to move more without a temporary scale guilt trip.

If anyone out there wants a Fitbit bud just let me know. Competition is addictive, fun and gratifiying (when you win at least).

Kickboxing Kosama style

Today’s drill sergeant was Amy. She is awesome, motivating and hilarious. Nothing is a better fit when I’m a fish out of water who’s flipping, flailing and kicking about. 

 I was covered in sweat, gasping for air and trying very hard to still look cool as I realized that I could not in fact beat someone up. It would be way more effort and I just don’t have that kind of energy. 

Kickboxing with Kosama was a blast and it was a hard workout. Thanks Amy for such wonderful support and encouragement.  Also, Amy, I will never pick a fight with you. 

Rambling of a foster mom

Today I sit here unable to write exactly how insignificant I feel.

When you sign up to be a foster parent you're never given a handbook that explains that the only person who has rights is the parent.

I have watched a child cry in terror as their mother says she's coming to take them away. I have listened to parents tell their children that the animals are so sad that you're not here anymore that I'm going to have to give them away or put them down.

Everything protects the parent.

This adventure into foster care has shown me the the sink hole that is our foster system.

I wish people genuinely cared for the children and foster parents. I wish I could go outside and not worry about the bio parent showing up. I wish I could explain the process to the child and be open and honest about the parents progress.

Instead, everything is about secrets, misconceptions and lies from our state.

Do any other foster parents feel like this? Am I alone on this?

Oompa Loompa doompadee doo…. I’ve got a really fake orange tan for you!!!

Oompa Loompa 

doompadee doo….

I’ve got a really fake 

orange tan for you!!!

^^^^ here's what I look like a day later... I think I'm looking pretty good :D   ^^^^^^^^^

In exactly 6 days I will be half naked, toes deep in the sand and a big fruity drink in my hand. What this means for a white (I mean whiter then Michael Jackson white)… help me!!! No one wants to look like the underbelly of a seal while swimming in Mexico. 

‘Jaws’ scared me for life… I can be in a hot tub alone at night and still hear “nanana nanana”.  So for me, a tan is necessary for me to play in the ocean without having Jaws creep up from below thinking that I’m a huge seal. 

And after my experience with the Cobra Tanning bed (ouch ouch ouch) I decided to try out alternative methods of tanning before my trip to Cancun. 

Today I tried out spray tanning. Besides the fact that I think I inhaled something that may be worse for you then the UV rays from a tanning bed, I think this is a good option. 

Downsides to spray tanning:

1. I smell oddly of bread
2. Where I was mostly white, there seams to be an odd orangish tint.
3. I feel sticky.

So besides the fact that I could look a bit like an Oompa Loompa that just rolled around in honey while I was also multitasking and baking bread… I think this might be ok. 

It's a good thing I love my dog.

Things you should never have to text to your Landlord:

"I'm sorry that Knox (my pup) acted like a rapist... At least we know that he likes you!!"

Seriously,  I've never met someone who on a daily bases has something embarrassing happen to them quite like me. My dog had his arms wrapped so tightly around his thigh that we couldnt pry him off. And theres my boy... pumping away without a care in the world and a grin on his furry little face.

So embarrassing.

Red as a lobster

Tanning isn’t for the weak—especially when you sign up for the Cobra. I should have known better. In a world filled with animals, some predators, some just trying to blend in, I definitely should have opted for the Butterfly Sissy tanning bed instead of the Cobra. But no, I decided I wanted my tan to be an adrenaline rush, just like binge-watching reality TV at 2 a.m. In just a week and a half, I’ll be in Cancun, Mexico! As a proud Minnesotan, my tan resembles a questionable traffic light—bright gold arms and legs, but my chest and legs are so white it could blind a small army. Trust me, this is the kind of tan that sends children screaming in terror and beachgoers squinting into the sunset. Out of respect for all that is innocent, I made the bold decision to head to the tanning booth instead of frightening the locals. Of course, now I’m nursing a bright red glow that’s screaming "lobster" and feeling just as hot. I could audition for a role in a fire safety video at this point!

Update: Unfortunately, wearing lace underwear to a tanning booth has left a burn design behind that is now an unintended art piece. 

 Dreams Resort in Cancun... jealous yet??  ;) 

So why do I blog?

So I've decided to share my life (embarrassing moments most likely) on a blog. No one will probably read it anyway. So... Just consider this blog to be my reminder for when I have Alzheimer's and I still want to laugh at myself.

I had a self pity blog earlier in 2013. It had some 8457 views and I was pretty thrilled. I bet most of the counted views were from myself as I later found out that you actually have to set it not to count your own views. I must have been obsessed with myself. Really obsessed.

I'm a dog owner, cat owner, home owner, child renter (foster parent), married and in the last couple weeks have tripped twice and fallen down the stairs on my backside. Boy oh boy did I have the bruises to prove it.

Do I have any profound wisdom for you today? No. Disappointing isn't it.

But there's always tomorrow!