Red as a lobster

Tanning isn’t for the weak—especially when you sign up for the Cobra. I should have known better. In a world filled with animals, some predators, some just trying to blend in, I definitely should have opted for the Butterfly Sissy tanning bed instead of the Cobra. But no, I decided I wanted my tan to be an adrenaline rush, just like binge-watching reality TV at 2 a.m. In just a week and a half, I’ll be in Cancun, Mexico! As a proud Minnesotan, my tan resembles a questionable traffic light—bright gold arms and legs, but my chest and legs are so white it could blind a small army. Trust me, this is the kind of tan that sends children screaming in terror and beachgoers squinting into the sunset. Out of respect for all that is innocent, I made the bold decision to head to the tanning booth instead of frightening the locals. Of course, now I’m nursing a bright red glow that’s screaming "lobster" and feeling just as hot. I could audition for a role in a fire safety video at this point!

Update: Unfortunately, wearing lace underwear to a tanning booth has left a burn design behind that is now an unintended art piece. 

 Dreams Resort in Cancun... jealous yet??  ;)